


Everything Under The Moon

by flowerx



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:14:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26457769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerx/pseuds/flowerx
Summary: Luka and Ivan struggle with their feeling for one another as they grow up together playing for their national team.Snapshots of their relationship through the years.
Relationships: Luka Modrić/Ivan Rakitić
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	1. 2007

**Author's Note:**

> So I've attempted to publish this twice before and I keep removing it before many people can read it. This is my third shot and this time I'm committed to finishing it. I still haven't completed it but should do so soon. It's a story I've had in my head for a while but didn't start writing until a few months ago. It's nerve wracking to write these things and just leave them here. I don't know how you guys do it! Hope you like it anyways x
> 
> I should post the next chapter in a few days. I only have to proofread it 🤗

They had been sharing a hotel room since Ivan joined the first team of the Croatian national team back in 2007 when Luka was 21 and Ivan 19. Luka had been completely captivated by the serenity the younger boy transmitted which was a far cry from his own nervous and stern energy. At first, Ivan wasn’t fully part of the senior team. He still played for the U21 squad here and there, but Luka knew it was only a matter of time until he became entirely theirs.

Their friendship blossomed out of Luka’s desire to help his younger teammate feel included and accepted. It started one morning over breakfast, when the team gathered at the hotel cafeteria to share opinions on their coach’s tactics for the upcoming Euro qualifiers match. Luka had noticed the younger blonde’s lost expression and the way his fingertips kept making their way up to his mouth to be bitten on nervously. It was hard for Luka to drag his eyes away from that sight and he couldn’t understand why Ivan seemed so uncomfortable and awkward around them. He knew about his teammate’s time with the Swiss U21 team, but Ivan was Croatian. This was where he really belonged. Luka couldn’t actually understand why it mattered so much to him that the new kid felt welcomed, but he decided that it would be his mission to erase that worried look out of Ivan’s face.

His tactic was subtle at first. He tried to approach his teammate during lunch time when everyone was together, making jokes and sharing anecdotes, some about trainings and others about things back in their clubs. He would purposely sit next to him every time he had a chance to, and would jokingly snatch a piece of carrot from his plate or remove the spoon from its place whenever Ivan’s head was turned away from his food and he was about to pick it up absentmindedly to have another spoonful of whatever they were eating that day. Slowly, Luka’s antics earned him more than little smiles and chuckles. They began having meaningful, albeit short, conversations about their families and clubs. Ivan seemed happier. He didn’t only chat with Luka, he seemed comfortable enough speaking with their other teammates and did perfectly fine even when Luka wasn’t glued to his side as usual. Luka tried to tell himself that the warmth he felt pressing against his chest was merely the joy of having accomplished his goal, but deep down he knew his feelings went beyond simple satisfaction. He didn’t really want to think about what that could mean, however, so he pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind and tried to pretend they weren’t there.

Eventually their small conversations evolved into long talks deep into the night. Sometimes Luka wouldn’t be able to sleep and he’d sit up on his side of the bed—always the one next to the window—and stare out into the sky. Sad memories overtook his mind and the darkness only helped to heighten his torment. He tried to stay quiet to prevent his friend from waking up prematurely, but sometimes he couldn’t keep the tiny sobs from escaping his lips. They were too heavy for him and they always found their way out even as Luka tried his hardest to keep them concealed inside his mouth. The painful memories were distant and blurry, but that didn't make them any less hurtful. They never failed to make Luka cry silently as he clutched his pillow tightly, and since Ivan was a light sleeper, even the tiniest of sobs were loud enough to rouse him.

The first time it happened Luka had woken up thinking about his grandfather. He remembered a small conversation he’d recently had over the phone with his mother in which she mentioned a letter Luka had written about his grandfather for a school assignment. It saddened him to know that he would never see him again. He had the pictures, safely stored in a photo album by his parents, had small little pieces of his life back when he was still alive, but the most important thing—his own memories—were slowly fading from his mind and he couldn’t do anything about it. He tried to remember the smells, the sights from a home he would never get back, but he was never sure of what was real and what was a reconstruction of his faulty memory.

He hadn’t noticed himself sobbing quietly into the silent, still room until one of Ivan’s hands pressed gently against his narrow back. Luka shook abruptly, startled by the press of the younger’s fingers soothing his tense muscles. He turned away from the open window to see Ivan’s face illuminated by the moonlight and for a second the pain left his body. It felt like the air had been squeezed out of him, like he’d been punched in the stomach and couldn’t breathe or move or do anything. Ivan smiled at him with soft, kind eyes and held his hand and then held him—in an embrace Luka tried hard to feel awkward about without much success. There was really no other way to feel except safe and cared for. He held onto Ivan’s stronger arms, allowing himself to breath in synchronization with his smooth heartbeat.

At that point they had spent countless lunch breaks chatting with one another about numerous silly things. _When was the first time you kissed somebody? Did you really want to be a midfielder when you were small? When was the last time you threw up? What is the earliest memory you have of your childhood?_ And Luka had frozen a little at that. Had stared at Ivan dumbly as if doing so would make Ivan unsay the words. Luka mumbled incoherently under his breath, trying to pull out the words that were so fixed on not coming out. Then he blurted out _the goats_ and looked up to see Ivan’s warm eyes staring at him tenderly. A little confused but interested.

He told him. Told him about the goats, about helping his grandfather heard them back to shelter, about pulling their tails for fun—to hear the strange noises they made. Then he got closer to his friend and whispered the little memories he had to him. The ones he didn’t like to think about.

That night, as he held onto Ivan on the hotel bed they shared, he was sure Ivan knew about the pain that was eating him from the inside. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop himself from crying, but it only made the tears roll down faster. They dampened the younger’s t-shirt and Luka felt embarrassed about it until he felt his head being lifted up and away from Ivan’s warm chest. His friend held his face between his two hands, and although Luka was shaken by the sharp sadness pounding against his chest mercilessly, he could feel the heat radiating from his friend’s eyes. Ivan stared at him in silence and Luka couldn’t do anything other than stare back attentively, as if he were waiting for Ivan to break the silence with a lighthearted joke that would shake his ache off. Instead, he saw Ivan’s eyes dance a little, down to his lips which Luka instinctively licked. Their eyes met once more and before Luka had time to think about what the melancholy suddenly reflected in his friend’s eyes could mean, he felt Ivan’s lips pressing against his own. Warm and soft. Luka was motionless for a second until his brain started working again and he kissed Ivan back. Their tongues clashed, inexperienced and a little rushed. The kiss was sloppy and eager, and Luka felt like he couldn't breathe. It felt like too much and like everything he'd ever wanted a kiss to be.

Then it stopped. Ivan went back to staring at Luka, only now his hands held Luka’s and his warm and easy smile was back on his lips. Luka only smiled back. His cheeks felt warm and he was sure he was sporting an impressive blush, but he didn’t really care. He had never felt so happy and light. Just a moment ago the pain in his chest was too heavy to bare, now he couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across his tear-stained face. It was so easy with Ivan. He felt safe and comfortable. Didn’t even feel the need to ask or explain. He simply went were Ivan took him, and at that moment it meant down on the bed against Ivan’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments if you want. I love reading them!! 💖


	2. 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up adding an additional chapter between the first and third, so I took way longer to update than I thought I would. Hope whoever is actually reading this likes it 💕

Ever since Ivan had pressed his soft lips against his, Luka hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. The feeling of warmth and completeness persisted for hours, days, weeks. It was a hurried, lazy kiss. Not Luka’s first, but definitely the best. The first that made his whole body jolt and stiffen and come alive all at once. He wanted to relive it over and over again. He savored the taste of Ivan’s kiss months after.

They hadn’t really spoken much about it. They’d quietly agreed to ignore what had happened that night, but luckily for Luka, that rule didn’t last very long. It was hard to act as if everything was the same when in fact nothing was. Luka couldn’t pretend he hadn’t noticed the quickening of Ivan’s heartbeat as he licked into his mouth. Couldn’t forget the way Ivan curled behind him with an arm placed protectively around his waist and his lovely, sweet whispers tickling Luka’s hair until the smaller blonde fell asleep peacefully and contentedly.

They silently but overtly disobeyed their pact. There was not much fuss about it. They understood each other well and it quickly became obvious that their relationship couldn’t be the same anymore. The shift was smooth and natural. Even thinking about it made Luka giggle, but their friendship became _domestic_. Ivan often prepared Luka’s coffee in the morning and occasionally offered to rub his feet with a hint of a joke to his tone that Luka knew to interpret as veiled insecurity. Luka would let him, or rather, would allow himself to melt into Ivan’s soft, warm touches. His head would tilt back in quiet pleasure as his younger friend rubbed at his heels and smoothed out the knots of his calves.

Five years had gone by pretty quickly. The 2012 Euro Cup wasn’t being exactly what either of them expected. They’d only managed to get four points in two games which in theory wasn’t too bad, but their next and final game of the group stage was against Spain, the World Cup champions.

In the tunnel before the game, Ivan pulled Luka to the side, looked into his eyes in the most gentle and loving way then kissed both of his palms tenderly.

“You got this Luka”, he whispered against the pads of his fingers. Luka could only nod, bite his bottom lip nervously and pull Ivan gently by the wrist to place a quick, timid kiss to his lips.

Ivan had in fact been wrong and Luka hadn’t managed to do anything to help the team. It hurt. They didn’t even make it out of the group stage. All Luka wanted to do was crawl on his bed and sleep and pretend it was all a nightmare. But there was a thing that kept him alive, one person that kept his head above the water. _Ivan._

They walked in silence towards the bus. Nobody in the team really felt like saying anything. Luka could hear the soft noises of his feet against the concrete and tried to concentrate on that and ignore the guilt he felt pressing against his chest and skull and every muscle of his body. They climbed into the bus one by one and Luka was so immersed in his own thoughts that he didn’t realize the moment Ivan stepped in and slid into the seat next to him.

“Lukita”, Ivan whispered soft and gentle. His eyes were on Luka’s, curious and caring and so lovely as always. “Tell me what you’re thinking”.

Luka stared at Ivan’s beautiful irises, tried to muster all the frustration and disappointment he felt shifting madly inside his chest, but he was strong enough to admit to himself that even the defeat couldn’t dissolve the longing that overcame him every time he was close to his friend. Ivan placed his hand on Luka’s knee then took Luka’s hand and interlocked their fingers.

“You know, none of this was your fault. It wasn’t our fault; we tried our best.” Ivan’s words were soothing and comforting and everything Luka could ask for, but he couldn’t help feeling like he needed something more. He was afraid of admitting it to himself but having Ivan so close to him while he felt shattered and sad only made him want to press himself against every inch of his younger friend and feel his pulse beating against his own skin until he calmed down. Instead, he stared at Ivan with a blank expression and placed his head on Ivan’s shoulder and fell asleep.

Walking up to their hotel room was something Luka knew had occurred, but he didn’t really remember it. All he could recall was being inside and finally having some quiet and peace. He was lazily looking out the window trying to clear his thoughts when he suddenly felt Ivan’s strong hands trace the muscle of his outer thighs. A little jolt of excitement hit him so suddenly he almost pushed himself away from the warmth of Ivan’s skin.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself Luka”, Ivan’s whisper brushed against his ear tickling him and making him feel dizzy. “Just tell me what you need and I’ll do it. I hate seeing you so miserable.” There was absolutely no hint of lust in Ivan’s comforting words and it only made Luka feel ashamed. He was so hurt from the result of the game, from their early exit of the competition, but he couldn’t avoid feeling like his skin was on fire and Ivan was the only person on earth who could save him. He turned around quickly, placing his hands on either side of Ivan’s face and then just stared at him for a few seconds and watched Ivan stare back.

“Whatever I need?” Luka replied expectantly. His eyes felt like they would burst. He looked for the smallest sign of discomfort or disapproval on his friend’s face, but he didn’t see anything. Instead he caught the way Ivan’s eyes creased as his lips curled into a soft smile.

“Yeah Lukita”, Ivan mumbled, taking Luka’s hands and kissing them tenderly. “Just tell me”.

Instead, Luka placed his hands on his friend’s hips, got on his tiptoes and kissed him. Tenderly at first, then as if his life depended on it. He didn’t think, he only concentrated on the way Ivan’s lips felt against his own, on how much he loved it and didn’t want to hide it anymore. They parted only to catch their breaths. Luka saw the red of Ivan’s swollen, beautiful lips and traced a finger against his own, amazed that he was the one who did that to him. Ivan’s smile was back on his lips and Luka took that as a sign of approval. Before he could stop himself, he was attacking Ivan’s mouth again. Lustful and sloppy and unashamed. He felt Ivan’s hands slide from his hips to his butt.

“Fuck” he mumbled against Ivan's lips absentmindedly. He pushed his younger friend against the bed and they both stumbled clumsily on the mattress, Luka’s leg between Ivan’s. The kiss deepened until Luka’s belly was on fire and his dick hardened inside his underwear. He sucked Ivan’s neck greedily in a way that almost made him feel ashamed, but he was too far gone at that point.

“Lukita”, he heard Ivan moan below him. The younger man froze for a second. Suddenly Luka was being shifted across the mattress. Moved until he was sitting between Ivan’s sprawled legs, his back against Ivan’s chest.

Luka allowed his breathing to go back to normal, the adrenaline in his body subsided and he could finally catch his breath and think about what would’ve happened if Ivan hadn’t stopped them. He felt ashamed.

They had fooled around for the past five years. Neither of them was really trying to hide the fact that there was mutual attraction between them. They kissed often. Sometimes the kisses were short and sweet, other times they were passionate. Sometimes Luka thought he saw a spark of longing in his friend’s eyes, but he reasoned he was only seeing a reflection of his own emotions and waved the thought away. But Ivan had reciprocated today. He wanted him too, Luka could feel it. Yet he’d stopped him. Perhaps Luka had read him wrong. Maybe Ivan had realized midway that he wasn’t really into him that way.

It took Luka only a couple of seconds to begin panicking. His back still against Ivan’s warm, soothing chest. Maybe this would be the last time he held him like this. Maybe their friendship or whatever they had together was over. Maybe—

“You feel better?” Ivan’s voice was soft and kind. Luka blinked once, making sure that there weren’t actual tears welling up in his eyes. He nodded.

“Good”—Luka could hear the smile in Ivan’s voice. Then he felt little tender kisses brush against his hair and against his shoulders. Soothing and comforting and relieving. “You can sleep like this if you want” Ivan continued. “I’ll stay awake. You need to rest”. His voice was like sweet honey. Luka could barely hold the feeling of relief that surfaced in his chest. It enveloped him in light and softness. He nodded once more, drifting quietly to sleep as he felt Ivan begin to draw lazy patterns against his leg. He rested his head contently against Ivan’s chest and slept to the thought of the man he loved the most. _Ivan, Ivan, Ivan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if anybody is actually interested in this, but I enjoy writing it and I'm committed to finishing it 🥰


	3. 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updating this!! 😅💕 I Can't believe I'm actually adding another chapter. I'm not a very quick writer haha.

Ivan couldn’t remember his life before his senses became entirely overwhelmed by Luka’s presence. He could if he tried, but it always seemed foggy and dim, like the way dreams feel after waking up. All of his memories seemed to be connected to Luka’s scent, to the color of his eyes, to the sound of his voice and the shaky breaths Ivan would feel against his face every time they kissed. Sometimes it seemed like everything was Luka and the feeling was almost too powerful, too heavy to keep it inside his chest. Ivan would scream it if he could. He would tell the whole world how his heart felt like it was about to jump out of his chest every time his eyes met Luka’s, but he couldn’t. He had been hiding his feelings for his friend for years, keeping them safe and away from those who could use them to harm them both.

Their relationship was strange; Ivan couldn’t really categorize it. They were friends. Best friends. Best friends who slept side by side, who often touched each other in ways they both knew was beyond friendly. Their eyes lingered for a little too long and Ivan could see the longing in Luka’s face. Could almost taste it as their breaths mixed together and their foreheads touched. Luka would close his eyes—both of them stilling before sharing a tender kiss and then parting. They didn’t ignore those moments or pretend they didn’t happen, but they didn’t fully acknowledge them either. 

Ivan could remember the first time he felt his world shake. He’d been able to control things up to that moment. He’d convinced himself that it was safe to let his guard down with Luka, that the timid little kisses they shared and the small caresses he allowed himself to indulge in weren’t dangerous or harmful, but in a moment everything seemed to change. He lost control quickly in a manner he didn’t think he was capable of.

It was after the Euro 2016 game against Turkey—their opener. They both had drunk a little too much, exhilarated by the victory against a team that had caused them so much pain in the past. They giggled all the way up to their shared hotel room then collapsed on the bed. Luka’s face plastered against the mattress sideways, golden hair flying in every direction and one of his legs tangled with one of Ivan’s. Ivan looked up at the ceiling, still giggling childishly. He felt the heat of Luka’s stare even without glancing at him. He could feel the glare of his beautiful brown eyes as he continued to laugh absentmindedly, trying to distract himself from Luka’s presence as he often did.

He’d stopped laughing only when Luka’s warm palm landed on his chest. His leg rubbed up a little against Ivan’s making the younger Croat choke on a breath. Ivan turned towards him hesitantly and was struck by the beauty of his face. Large, pointy nose and moist lips. The night made his eyes twinkle and they appeared wider than usual.

Luka’s leg continued to rub against his and Ivan would’ve read something into it if it wasn’t for the complete innocence he saw in Luka’s toothy smile. Yet when Ivan took Luka’s hand away from his chest and interlocked their fingers snugly, there was an instant change in his friend’s face. Luka loosened their grip and turned away a little, mimicking Ivan’s position lying flat on the bed facing the ceiling. His grin was concealed as he softly bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes. Ivan focused on the rise and fall of Luka’s chest and how his breaths became a little agitated. He lingered there for a few moments, remembering the first time they shared a bed nine years ago. Their faces so young and frail. Lost and curious. Now they were both older, stronger. They’d grown up together.

Ivan took a few moments to think before he pulled Luka off the bed and pressed his tiny body down against his own. Luka’s eyes popped open, their shimmery amber blinding Ivan for a second, giving Luka enough time to climb off him with a kiddy chuckle that reminded Ivan of their first years together, of the innocence he knew they both had lost long ago.

Ivan made a quick move and pulled Luka back against the mattress pinning him under his body. The small Croat landed on his back with a soft little giggle, his loud grin was back on his lips but there was something new in it. Something that excited Ivan and sent all his blood rushing to one area. He was quick to notice the tent in Luka’s sweatpants and licked his lips at the sight. Luka was twinkly with moonlight and the scent of fruity alcohol. His skin adorned by the faintest, most endearing of goosebumps, his eyes beautifully expectant. There was so much magic in his untamed hair, in the way his lips quivered even as he tried to keep a confident look.

The alcohol in Ivan’s system did nothing to stop the rush of adrenaline running through his body. He leaped towards the beautiful abyss before him, the ocean that was Luka Modrić. He took a quick breath then shakily pressed his hand against Luka’s bulge. The smaller blonde let out a breathy moan, so throaty and rough Ivan could feel it in his cock. He was amazed by the look in Luka’s face. His eyes wide opened and shocked, his mouth agape in an endless, delicious moan.

“Ivan”—the voice he loved so much sounded pained and beautiful. Like Luka was using all his strength to get the words through his lips. The small blonde closed his eyes tightly, his moaning turning to whimpering as Ivan continued to stroke his bulge through his sweats. “Volim—” Luka began, the words dying out on his lips as Ivan slipped a hand under his sweats and cupped his hard cock through the thin fabric of his underwear. The small blonde wrapped his hands around Ivan’s neck. The heat between them unbearable.

Ivan’s mind was a swirl of need and nerves and complete panic. His senses so full of Luka it made his chest physically hurt. He looked down at him, his hand still pressed against his cock, took a moment to admire the way his chest rose and fell chaotically, then removed his hand from Luka’s dick and pulled down his sweats and underwear in one move. Luka’s dark pink penis sprung out of the fabric’s confinement making Ivan’s dick throb and his mouth water. He barely managed to keep himself steady as he took in the delicious sight and smell of Luka’s arousal.

Luka’s eyes were huge now. Two beautiful honey moons. He was leaning back on his elbows with a look of expectation and hunger and complete vulnerability. Ivan held his gaze just long enough to catch the way he bit his bottom lip before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to the tip of his cock. Luka shivered and jolted and Ivan could feel the throb on his hot dick, traveling from his lips still pressed against its very tip all the way to his own leaking cock. He let out a surprised gasp before leaning down and wrapping his lips around Luka’s sensitive penis. He took his time tasting and licking, Luka’s erect dick hot and thick. Ivan’s mind was clouded by lust and the weight of so many damn years spent suppressing the need to do exactly this.

He looked up to see what he thought was the most beautiful sight he’d ever laid his eyes on. Luka’s eyes were open and hot and looked like they would melt if Ivan swallowed more than just the tip of his cock. He could hear soft, gentle pants coming out of his open mouth. High-pitched and lovely. He continued his task. Savoring the taste of the man he’d grown to love with every ounce of his being. Taking the time to appreciate every move and shiver and throb. He tasted what he figured was precum on his tongue, salty and unexpectedly good. He closed his eyes, focused, and opened his mouth a bit wider to take more of Luka’s length inside, the small Croat gently pulling him by the hair then—

There was a knock on the door. It took Ivan a long second to pull Luka’s cock out of his mouth and sit back on the bed. Luka’s eyes were wild and shocked, his hard cock shimmered with the wet of Ivan’s saliva. The younger Croat collected Luka’s clothes and helped him get dressed again.

“Co-coming—” Ivan yelled, edgy and shaky. Luka shot him a glance and all Ivan could read was complete panic.

“Go to the bathroom, okay? It’s fine. I’ll answer it…”

Luka looked unsure, yet he still picked himself up from the bed and walked towards the lit bathroom.

Ivan took a deep, shaky breath and tried to steady his breathing before he made himself go answer the door.

The next morning felt a little like waking up knowing you have the luck of representing your country before the whole world and a lot like wanting to disappear completely. Dragging his eyes away from the floor where they were glued felt physically impossible and Ivan spent the whole team breakfast starring down at his plate blankly and forcing little pieces of fruit into his mouth absentmindedly. He chewed slowly trying to get his mind off last night but failed miserably. All he could do was picture the way Luka was probably smiling shyly at his teammates as he spoke to them and made small talk.

They sat next to each other as usual, but there was a palpable tension between them. The night before, after Domo and Suba had left their room having had their laugh once they showed Ivan a few videos of their teammates drunkenly signing, Luka and Ivan had spent the time before they fell asleep awkwardly maneuvering around each other, not really knowing exactly what to say or whether or not they should approach the topic or not. To be fair, Ivan was the one acting that way. He purposely kept his eyes away from Luka who he could feel was staring at him quietly. Ivan felt shaken and awake. The shock of almost being discovered sucking Luka’s dick had sobered him up and he found it hard to face his emotions without the shield of alcohol. He gave Luka a quick brave look with a soft smile then pealed his sweatpants and socks off and turned his back to him on the mattress.

“Ivan, we need to talk”. Luka’s raspy voice startled Ivan as the smaller man whispered into his ear. He looked down at his friend and only then did he notice he was standing in front of the fruit bar. Luka’s usually soft eyes were a little hard but there was no anger behind them. He kept staring at Ivan with wide eyes and for a moment the taller man was lost in their comforting, familiar warmth. He thought about all their years together and how much he’d always loved the way Luka had to tilt his head up a little so their eyes could meet.

It had taken Ivan every ounce of his strength to walk to their meeting place outside the hotel later that day. He felt his heart do a strange flip inside his chest when he saw Luka standing by the bench behind some fancy plants where they’d agreed to meet. The moonlight traced pretty shadows against his face and even from afar Ivan noticed his friend’s relieved smile.

He sat down on the cool bench pulling Luka next to him by the hand. He wanted to speak first. Wanted to tell Luka that he meant a lot to him, far more than his reputation as a straight football player, but before Ivan could muster the courage to speak, his attention was caught by the way Luka’s long, golden hair flowed easily with the wind and he was left speechless. He noticed the pink tint of his cheeks, probably due to the cool of the night, his eyes shinny and warm. The way Ivan knew them. He saw his friend lick his bottom lip and then trap it under his top teeth nervously. They had grown up. They were men now, but somehow Ivan found his little Luka behind those pretty eyes that were beginning to crinkle at the edges. He saw that scared Luka that would cling to him during thundery nights. He saw his Luka from that 2007 summer and all he wanted to do was kiss him and say sorry.

“Ivan—”

“You know we can’t, right?” the shakiness of his voice betrayed him. He wanted to be strong for Luka. He knew he needed to ignore his feelings if he wanted to protect their careers and their futures, knew he somehow had to kill the love that was growing inside him. He had to keep their heads above the water, had to keep Luka breathing even if it meant giving him his air. Maybe Luka didn’t know what was best for him, couldn’t tell or think straight. But Ivan could. He had to do that for both of them, but mostly for Luka.

He looked into Luka’s eyes and saw it. Saw the way their light dimmed and the emotion in his soft _Ivan_ died out. Luka nodded silently then unfolded his leg from under himself and made his way back inside the hotel.


	4. June 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have almost finished this story so the next chapters should be updated faster, although the start of the new semester might get in the way 🌺 I have enjoyed writing this story very much 🤗

He couldn’t be more excited to be there. Luka knew this was probably his last World Cup and although that saddened him, it also made the occasion extra special and meaningful. Russia was beautiful and he caught himself feeling like he was on vacation more than once. It wasn’t surprising though; he had the fortune of living his dream. He’d wanted this since he was small. He’d held on to this dream from the day a hotel in Zadar became his home and he started running from the bombs. He dram with hope and sometimes with rage, but it was all part of him, and it was all here like distant background noise that always kept him company. His reverie was interrupted by a pair of hands around his waist. He turned around quickly already knowing who they belonged to, a smile spreading across his face.

“Ivan”, his smile could be heard through his voice. The blinds were drawn, and the sunny morning splashed their faces with warm light. They stared at each other for a small moment then Ivan leaned down and kissed Luka’s disheveled hair.

“I brought pancakes. From the buffet downstairs, nothing fancy” Ivan beamed, his hands holding up small white bags presumably holding the treats behind the delicious smell that had quickly spread through the room.

“Oh, you’re spoiling me. You know I can’t resist this. And well, if the nutrition people think it’s okay, I don’t see why I should turn them down” Luka winked.

They sat down at a small table by the window; the cutlery making gentle clanking noises in the quiet of the room. Luka had gotten used to Ivan’s incessant starring. It was 2018 and so many things had happened since the last Euro Cup. Luka took a little bite of his pancake and thought about that night two years ago, about the way he left Ivan alone in the night, about the heavy ache in his chest produced by the other’s cold words. _We can’t._ Those words had pounded in his ears for days. He’d sulked and tried his best to ignore Ivan, to make him see that it didn’t matter to Luka what they could and couldn’t do, that it made no difference to him.

At the end it was Ivan who’d approached him after their loss against Portugal. He had this look that to Luka seemed to say _look, I’ve had enough of your moping, can you please get over this._ Instead, a different story unfolded, one even at 30 years old, Luka would’ve never imagined.

“I’m sorry we lost” Ivan mumbled as Luka tied his sneakers outside the hotel elevator. The small Croat looked back from where he was crouched down to see Ivan from an upside down position. They went in together.

“Tell that to Darijo” Luka shot back, his eyes brave and open.

Ivan’s hand caught Luka’s wrist and Luka could feel his breaths pathetically quicken with the contact. He’d wanted to tell Ivan to back off, but he found himself shaken with need and relief at finally having his friend’s touch back, his skin warm and healing against his tired pulse. He felt Ivan’s fingers ghost up his arm and then his neck “Ivan—” his voice came out shaky and breathy in a way that sounded too much like a suppressed moan to Luka. He looked up at Ivan with moist eyes.

The elevator door slid open and Luka barely had time to register the movement of Ivan’s hand coming off his neck before they were walking down the hallway and into their shared room. He heard the click of the lock as Ivan let himself in and only had a second of hesitation before he turned to meet his friend.

“I said we can’t…” Ivan began, his words twisted and wobbly. Luka starred at him free from the hurt he’d harbored over the past days. Ivan’s vulnerability took him aback and he found himself wanting to reassure his friend and tell him it was okay, that they could continue to be strictly friends and Luka would stop his childish nonsense. But Ivan showed no desire to stop speaking so Luka held back.

“I meant we can’t do what I was doing that night after Turkey”, a soft blush spread across Ivan’s cheeks. “But I didn’t mean we can’t do this—” Luka instinctively closed his eyes even before Ivan’s lips brushed his temple. “—Or this…” he continued, placing another soft kiss this time to Luka’s cold nose. “I think I couldn’t make myself stop even if I wanted to” he finished with a sigh in his voice and his lips pressed gently against Luka’s forehead.

Luka smiled with closed eyes as he savored the feeling of his friend’s lips on his touch-deprived skin. He stayed there for a little while until he felt recharged and revitalized by the contact, then he backed away and gave his friend a fond look before getting on his tiptoes and planting a quick kiss to his lips. “Yeah, me neither” he said contently. He then let the younger man guide them to their bed. He was giddy and happy and the sadness from their loss was momentarily forgotten. He couldn’t focus on his heartbreak when Ivan was pulling him down to the bed, helping him lay against the mattress then maneuvering them both until Luka’s back was pressed against his front and Ivan was spooning him from the back, a hand on his belly and soft kisses against his head. _Volim te_ he heard him say.

He was shaken from his thoughts once more, this time a piece of pancake was being pushed gently against his lips as Ivan attempted to feed him his forgotten breakfast.

“Lukita” he heard the younger Croat say. He looked up from his plate with curious eyes and accepted the bite offered to him chewing it calmly. They shared another small smile then continued with their own plates. The morning was beautiful full of natural light and hope. Their first game was tomorrow, against Nigeria, and although Luka had a good feeling, he was still uneasy and shaky with nerves and excitement. They finished their pancakes and fruit and then Luka stood up from the table wanting to busy himself with anything that would keep his mind off tomorrow. He picked some things around, fixing some of his clothes and stuffing them into his suitcase then—

“What’s the earliest memory you have of your childhood?” the words fell out of his mouth almost unconsciously, but Luka couldn’t help the warm, easy smile that spread across his face once he said them. He looked up at Ivan from under a curtain of messy hair, his eyes shinny with expectation. Ivan turned around quickly, and Luka swore he saw a shadow of the reserved Ivan he met so many years ago when they were just two kids. His friend’s slightly surprised expression softened, and Luka marbled at the twinkle in his pretty eyes.

“Football. Not a specific memory really, just having the ball at my feet. Running around with it while I wore a jersey of some Croatian team I can’t remember.” Ivan’s eyes were a little distant as he recalled those memories so faint yet so powerful.

“I remember you saying that” Luka shot back with a gentle tone. “Look where you’re now, dragi.” His voice remained gentle but there was now a little punch in It as well. He took Ivan’s left hand and placed it on his hip. He could still feel the burn of Ivan’s _we can’t_ against his chest, could still feel the rejection in his heart, but there was a stronger feeling beating inside him, a need to press his body against Ivan’s and feel his heart beating next to his as one. “Look at us” he whispered.

Ivan held Luka’s hips with both hands and Luka couldn’t help hugging the taller man towards himself. He pressed the side of his face to Ivan’s chest feeling soothed once the murmur of his heart became detectable. He felt Ivan’s strong hands playing with his hair then the soft kisses against his head that felt so familiar and comforting. 

“Luka—” Ivan began, taking the smaller man’s face between his hands and tilting it up so Luka was staring up at him with soft, adoring eyes. “I’m so happy we’re here together…” a line of fluttery kisses from Ivan’s lips to Luka’s cheeks followed the honied words. “I’m so happy I have you with me.” More kisses to the other side of his face tickled Luka’s skin and for a moment he felt like the shy Luka that had shared a bed with Ivan for the first time eleven years ago.

“What’s the earliest memory you have of your childhood baby?” They were sitting at the edge of the bed now, somehow Luka had ended up with his head against Ivan’s lap and Ivan’s fingers tracing lazy patterns on his scalp as he played with his slightly tangled hair. That same question had felt so heavy and loaded all those years ago, Luka had barely managed to force the words through his lips, the pain so sharp he could barely speak, but now his voice felt strong and steady.

“The goats” he smiled. He knew Ivan was smiling too even as he stared at the wall in front of him and took a second to process the way Ivan addressed him with a word he’d never used before—not even when they were drunk and happy. Somehow it didn’t feel awkward, didn’t feel out of place or like it needed an explanation or even an acknowledgement. It felt right. Like it was time for Luka to hear something like that come out of Ivan’s lips.

“I always felt like I needed to protect you—” Ivan began. “like I somehow had to keep everything bad away from you. I felt like I could do that.” Luka looked up to see his friend’s eyes distant and fixed on the horizon peeking through the window. They were calm and focused. “But I don’t think I have to do that anymore, right? Maybe I never had to.”

Luka didn’t wait for Ivan to move or blink. He turned on his back to face his friend, keeping his head on his lap. He was quick to take Ivan’s hand and press it against his lips, kissing his palm softly a couple of times. “No” he giggled. “Maybe not.” He saw Ivan’s cold stare melt softly like the wax of a candle. They stayed like that for a second in comfortable silence, then Luka stood up and allowed Ivan to guide him to his lap.

“I’ll hurt you” he joked as his back pressed against Ivan’s chest and the weight of Ivan’s head settled on his shoulder comfortably.

“My little Luka?” Ivan cooed against his hair. “I don’t think you could ever hurt me baby”. He placed a kiss to Luka’s neck and could instantly feel the goosebumps that blossomed there. “This is our World Cup”, he placed another kiss behind his ear. “Your World Cup, Captain Modrić.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want, comments are always nice. 🥰


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